SOL16 #19 Wanna Be

The quiet

The loud scream

From my inner self

I didn't write

I failed

Yep, 

This is a challenge 

To improve

Break bad habits

Learn to write daily

Climbing back on

I can't do it all

I will just start here

And try again

I'm a SOLer

Wanna be...really I am

SOL 16 #14 Spring Sports Seasons

Baseball Season 

is

ALMOST

HERE

Last week's weather gave me the itch to be outside.  It won't be long until I am sitting in my chair feet propped up, wearing my team colors, clapping my hands to cheer for the kids on the field. 

I can't wait!  

My son has dedicated some of his winter time to clinics to improve his skill.  He is ready to be on the field using his new found skills and confidence. Let's play some ball, have some fun and build some memories.

There is so much drama in Little League with the changes of age cut off dates.  I've tried to let all of that go and let my son enjoy the game because that is the point. I hope others can do the same.

Pitchers and catchers have been working out for three weeks and opening day is three weeks away.  Grab your mitt, get a ball, here we go!

SOL16 #13 Bridal Shower Blues

Today I attended a Bridal Shower for a cousin of my husband.  This was the first shower I had been invited to in many years and I am aghast at how they have changed.  There was one game, lifting the plate and seeing who had the groom's picture and two door prizes.  

There were no get to know you games that helped the guests mingle and find ways that the knew the bride and groom.  I know the games are hokey, but they are a way to make the day fun and possibly make a new friend.  When I inquired, I was told that wasn't the way it was any more.  I must say it was a snoozer of an afternoon.

I have to plan and execute a Bridal Shower in the early fall, the bride-to-be was at the bridal shower I attended to day we had the following text message conversations.

I think she thinks I am kidding, but I am not.  The idea of sitting at a table staring at the person sitting across from talking about absolutely nothing important, just seems like the waste of a day! She doesn't want to have a traditional shower, I think bowling would be a great way to have some fun and celebrate her!  Really I do, I know you agree, right?  Maybe a Zumb-a-thon

SOL16 #11 Good Comes Out of Hard Times

Bill and I were having a conversation on Thursday. He had picked our daughter up after school, planned a playdate for our son, and still was able to get his work done.  Having flexibility at your place of work is key to family survival these days.

Not long ago, I remember having feelings of panic over this exact issue of how would we get it all done?  Would I need to hire a sitter that could drive? How would we find a way to be flexible?  Bill worked and hour away from our home and so did I.  It just seemed impossible.  Then in August 2009, Bill lost his job, at the time we were devastated.

Bill was out of work for two year before he made a decision to start his own business.  Town Line Lawn Care was born and we haven't looked back.  This job affords us huge amounts of flexibility for shuffling kids and letting the dogs out during the day.  It sucks for having common vacation time, but that is a minor detail.

We've all grown into this well oiled machine and we have all learned to be flexible.

SOL16 #9 Small Giant Steps

Small Giant Steps to Recovery

It's been a week since I made that 500 mile trip, my sister and I have taken turns sitting next to his bedside so my mom can have time with her grandchildren before they head home.  She insists on coming to the hospital everyday during the doctor's rounds to make sure she hears what they have to say. She is fierce when she listens, she peppers the doctors and nurses with questions.  This isn't her first stent in ICU, she knows she won't get information if she doesn't ask. 

The week comes to an end and my brother still hasn't woken from the coma, but they are going to move him to step down ICU because his vitals are stable.  He has a feeding tube and they are pushing protein for food.  I make the 500 mile trip back home with my kids wondering what the outcome for my brother will be in the coming months.

I call or text daily.

Finally he is awake!, he is sitting up in the bed, he is eating real food.  Such progress in a short time of three weeks.  The doctors mention rehab, my mom isn't ready for that, but the doctors say that he is, so he move to a rehab center to learn basic skills.  He learns quickly and in 8 weeks time they tell my mom he is ready to go home with lots of restrictions.

My mom and sister gather all of the sharp objects, put a special lock on the door to the basement, they gather anything that is dangerous and move it to other locations.  It's been a long road since September 19th. He's been home recovering and he has made tremendous progress so much so that they think he will be able to return to work.

Life changed that day and we will never be able to return to where we were.  That is probably a good thing.  Hopefully we have all become closer through all of this, the physical and psychological healing do not happen equally.

***There are a lot more details to this story, so many I thought it made it more boring than it already is at this length.a

SOL16 #8 Tuesday's Rock

Today is Tuesday, my favorite day of the week.  I get to go to my favorite fitness class, Insanity.  As I am working to make my fitness goals into habits, I find that taking a small rest is not a good idea.  Last week, my 30 day challenges were on a small break.  So I took advantage and slowed down a bit.  The only thing I maintained was my Fitbit and walking more than 10,000 steps. 

I paid for my laziness in Insanity,  my push-ups were not as strong, my endurance was not as much as it had been in prior weeks.  I guess the week off from the challenges are times that I need to use more wisely and make more physical Fitness habits.

I learn something new everyday.

SOL16 #7 A Moment of Panic Turned to Brief Moment of Anger

     Panic Turned to Brief Anger

I paused momentarily taking a big breath to spur myself down the room towards my brother’s room.  My mom says, "He has made progress, they took him off the ventilator and he can breathe on his own."  This is her way of letting me know what I will see when I walk in the room. We take a few more steps toward his room she continued "They have him sedated to let him rest because they need his brain to heal.  They did not have to do surgery to control the bleeding on his brain.  His brain is not as swollen as it could have been."  She pauses right outside a room, a nurse sitting at a computer with a full view into what is probably my brother’s room.  The curtains are drawn so that only the nurse can see through the window.  My mom draws the curtain back, we step through them, I hold my gaze toward the floor.  Keeping my eyes Closed and taking a deep breath before I look up hoping this is all just a really bad dream. 

I finally raise my head and look at the bed and there he is lying in the bed.  Eyes swollen, black, road rash on his arm and head. I release the breath I was holding and realize, he doesn't look as bad as I think.

I look at mom and say, it's not as bad as when dad was here.  She nods her head in solemn agreement. I pepper her with questions about the accident, about his prognosis and what the plan is to get through this.  She responded that the doctors aren't sure how bad it is and they won't know until he wakes up out of a coma.  Coma, I think to myself and I say out loud, I thought he was sedated?  My mom wearily responds, "He is, but even when they reduce his sedation, he only thrashes about, he doesn't wake up."

I fall into the chair next to her and I said to her, "What's the plan?  Are you going to move into the Family House or are you going to travel back and forth?"  In my heart, I know her answer, she will find a way to move into the Family House and just like she did for my dad, she won't leave his side."   I think to myself, she is such an amazing human, so self-sacrificing, I'm not sure I am her daughter.  I realize at that moment how angry I am at my brother for making my mother disrupt her life, we were still devastated by the loss of dad and a grandfather.  Life just hurts sometimes.